Mental social ability is broken? (2 Viewers)

[Shadowdude]

haha.. yes, if u cant make real friends, grind on hot chickz at Volar or Vanity.

That's it, I was afraid I'd have to use this but you leave me no choice:

more seriously, dude what. you're kidding.

 

[eggs4days]

haHA shadow ur too funny. ~in all srsness tho i was kidding bout grinding if u have no frends~. 4realzies tho, it made me feel like a pLaYA. HSCAREA, i will endeavour to tlk to a girl in my class tomorrow, appropriating dat playa feel from club. i do think however, that confidence in both our situations is vital, ie we need to neglect that lingering possibilty, and fear of the possibilty of rejection, best way i think to do this would be to realize that (depending on the situation) nothing really bad can happen, the following are proposed scenarios-

1. REJECTED, however you will never see the person again, so may as well give it a go, and walk away with ur head held high if rejected (if at club/random meet)
2. SEMI_REJECTED and isnt that into you, you will be kept as a friend (if meeting her is a recurring event, this is also assuming that ur not repulsive and or obnoxious)
3. much similar to number 2 is that if ur a bad communicator, she will most probably still keep you as a friend, but probably nothing more.

as such, that initial interaction can be, and for me, usually is quite overwhelming, however just like taking horrible tasting medicine, that nervousness or w/e (bad taste to continue analogy) is only momentary, and once u get the ball rolling ur on ur way to a new friend (good health if you're still following the medicine analogy)


once again, this is just advice.
as a side note, lifting weights helps boost confidence coz u get to be swole as fuk. so does a bit of alko/.

 

[HSCAREA]

haHA shadow ur too funny. ~in all srsness tho i was kidding bout grinding if u have no frends~. 4realzies tho, it made me feel like a pLaYA. HSCAREA, i will endeavour to tlk to a girl in my class tomorrow, appropriating dat playa feel from club. i do think however, that confidence in both our situations is vital, ie we need to neglect that lingering possibilty, and fear of the possibilty of rejection, best way i think to do this would be to realize that (depending on the situation) nothing really bad can happen, the following are proposed scenarios-

1. REJECTED, however you will never see the person again, so may as well give it a go, and walk away with ur head held high if rejected (if at club/random meet)
2. SEMI_REJECTED and isnt that into you, you will be kept as a friend (if meeting her is a recurring event, this is also assuming that ur not repulsive and or obnoxious)
3. much similar to number 2 is that if ur a bad communicator, she will most probably still keep you as a friend, but probably nothing more.

as such, that initial interaction can be, and for me, usually is quite overwhelming, however just like taking horrible tasting medicine, that nervousness or w/e (bad taste to continue analogy) is only momentary, and once u get the ball rolling ur on ur way to a new friend (good health if you're still following the medicine analogy)


once again, this is just advice.
as a side note, lifting weights helps boost confidence coz u get to be swole as fuk. so does a bit of alko/.

aha I reckon SEMI_Rejection is the worst. because you have to meet the person again, knowing that you were never made for each other *awkward*


PS: Found the perfect solution

 

[Spurious_1]

I went through a period of about 6 years without holding a proper conversation with a guy (girls-only school), and have only really conversed with about 3 guys in my post-primary school life. I avoid groups of guys like the plague, I'm incapable of initiating (and terrible at maintaining) conversation with a guy, and can barely hold eye contact with one (unless I'm drunk). But I'm generally pretty decent at talking to girls. Hopefully, uni'll break me out of this.

I dunno if I agree with your point though. Seems to me that everyone else out there is a social butterfly, having parties every weekend and having dated plenty of dudes/chicks before.

 

[mnmaa]

I went to a single sex school for 3 years than to a co-ed school for year 12. I know exactly what you mean, but don't worry you'll learn how to talk to girls in time.

 

[Bored_of_HSC]

Try talking to girls on bos then. Not really exactly "socialising" but it's a start lol. (some pretty nice peeps here)

 

[HSCAREA]

I went through a period of about 6 years without holding a proper conversation with a guy (girls-only school), and have only really conversed with about 3 guys in my post-primary school life. I avoid groups of guys like the plague, I'm incapable of initiating (and terrible at maintaining) conversation with a guy, and can barely hold eye contact with one (unless I'm drunk). But I'm generally pretty decent at talking to girls. Hopefully, uni'll break me out of this.

I dunno if I agree with your point though. Seems to me that everyone else out there is a social butterfly, having parties every weekend and having dated plenty of dudes/chicks before.

Yeah I know what you mean. I'm pretty much in the same position as you. (Hope you're not a troll).

 

[TheLad_inBlack]

No. That's beyond limits.



Well going to a co-ed maybe would of helped with the social side of things, but probably would of been detrimental to my academic performance.



Yeah, I've done it once. But like how does dancing let you meet new people? Unless like someone new offers to dance with you, you're pretty much just dancing with your group of mates, unless you wana expand and just jump into someone else group which would be awkwardly random for me to do, because I'm not the type of person who does those types of things.

Ehhh I just wana make friends who appreciate me for who I am. Not so that I have to change to fit in with the crowd. It's annoying as fuck. I know the typical thing most young teenages do, is get drunk, go clubbing and what ever, but some people are just not into it. I have a friend who doesn't prefer clubbing due to its atmosphere, but that's just him.

Right now I have a problem, most of my friends are just guys from school. The only girls are from primary (which we never talk any more - maybe 1 will occasionally but that's it) and I've met some randoms through friends. They go out occasionally. But they aren't particularly 'my type' and I think one of my mates is already hitting on her.

Look, a long time ago a mate of mine gave me some advice, and after taking this it helped me greatly.

You say you aren't the type of person who does those things right? Well, thats the problem. I suggest next time you go out somewhere, go out with only one or two mates, and once there, expand a bit, jump in with random groups, start a NORMAL conversation with the random people as if you were talking to a teacher, or a mate. Trust me, just try it a few times, with each time you will get more confident.

About 50% of the time I have offered to dance with a girl I have been rejected, but most girls at clubs/ parties arent there to reject guys, they are waiting for a confident guy to approach them because, like you, they want to have fun / a connection with someone.

Just my input, have a go at it, you dont even have to drink but I always find just a few drinks takes away the tension and loosens up the tongue a bit, the conversation will be easier. In fact, the times I actually got drunk after 7 or 8 drinks, I screwed it up.

Hope it works out

 

[ClockworkSoldier]

Lol.

I don't drink. Refuse outright.
I hate parties and clubs.
I'm fairly anti-social (reclusive on certain days).
Ergo, I rarely go out other than to do the shopping, exercise or to the movies.
Introverted logical thinker.

I'm basically not into anything that most people are (seriously, I'm the opposite of the 'norm'), yet I know and speak to more girls than guys. There really isn't anything to be afraid of. Just talk to them and be yourself, if they don't like you/are rude/reject you etc., who cares?

Not many people out there would shoot you down for saying 'hi'. Try it.

I've only just gotten to the stage where I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone from nothing. It's taken me until I'm 21 to do so...

Not that I often want to. The general public... *Shudders*

 

[eggs4days]

these two ^^ fukn smart. +1. +1.

 

[RANK 1]

wat the hell is wrong with you people

 

[ClockworkSoldier]

I'd need my own page.

 

[Phoenix Fury]

Lol.

I don't drink. Refuse outright.
I hate parties and clubs.
I'm fairly anti-social (reclusive on certain days).
Ergo, I rarely go out other than to do the shopping, exercise or to the movies.
Introverted logical thinker.

I'm basically not into anything that most people are (seriously, I'm the opposite of the 'norm'), yet I know and speak to more girls than guys. There really isn't anything to be afraid of. Just talk to them and be yourself, if they don't like you/are rude/reject you etc., who cares?

Not many people out there would shoot you down for saying 'hi'. Try it.

I've only just gotten to the stage where I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone from nothing. It's taken me until I'm 21 to do so...

Not that I often want to. The general public... *Shudders*

I feel *extremely* similar to this.

 

[Riproot]

I sometimes avoid talking to prettier girls because I think they might think I'm a creep, which I am, but I don't want them thinking that, I mean, get over yourself, honey.

 

[RANK 1]

I feel *extremely* similar to this.

you clearly didnt outright refuse that beer shane got you

 

[ClockworkSoldier]

Key word, I believe, was 'similar'.

 

[Phoenix Fury]

you clearly didnt outright refuse that beer shane got you

that's actually the only difference (I drink super occasionally aka once in a bos meet), well that and im not really where i stand on the striking up a convo with anyone thing tbh

 

[lpodnano]

I'm extremely shy when meeting new people. I'm getting better though

 

[Bored_of_HSC]

Lol i just realised. The title of this thread: "Mental social ability is broken? ". Hahaha. (no offence OP m8)

It isn't "broken". As you've seen here some people are just naturally like this. In the end just do your own stuff. As long as you're comfortable/happy, none of it matters.

 

[mnmaa]

I'm extremely shy when meeting new people. I'm getting better though

Me too. I think the secret is asking open ended questions that let people rant on, than again what do i know.