Best+Worst of Teacher Quotes and Habits (2 Viewers)

[0bs3n3]

Context: After an economics test where 80% of the class failed (pretty much me and my two friends are the only ones who take it seriously).

Teacher: I know you take solace in the fact that your friends failed as well, but when your in the centrelink link in five years time it won't give you much solace that your friends will be right beside you as well!


Math teacher: Did you hear about the teacher in America who got arrested for carry weapons of maths construction?


Bad habit: Economics teacher relating every example to the Tigers or Tigers merchandise (he's obsessed with the team...).

 

[NewiJapper]

One day in english it was pissing down rain and it was the start of the lesson, a group of girls were missing *these group of girls sit on the complete other side of the school and working ur way through the school without getting wet is a maze of a task*

*Girls blast through door completely soaked*
TEACHER: Wow, it took you girls 10 minutes to get wet and then make it to class, it usually takes me 2. *long pause and just realising what she just said*...with an unbrella of cause.

she got completely embarrased and most of the class was crying from laughter. It took us another 15 minutes to settle down haha

good ol' yr 10 days.

 

[sydchick]

I had a teacher in year 10 that absolutely hated the area we were in. It was sooo funny.

Me: Ugh. I hate living here. I want to move into the inner-city. So much better.
Friend: Come on, it's not THAT bad.
Teacher: Are you KIDDING ME? It is bloody horrible living here. I can't wait until I get out of here.
Me: See? Even she hates it here.

The teacher would also randomly decide to do timelines of our lives. It would be pretty funny as she would actually end up telling us what to do, lol.

Student: Miss, put three kids down near the 30s. I want three kids when I'm in my thirties.
Teacher: You've got to be joking. You don't want three kids, trust me. All they do is mooch off you until they're 18 and then they piss off. Pick one. One will like you. The other two -- well that is a bit sketchy.

Student: Miss, why did you put down 'GET OUT OF HERE' when we turn 18. Some of us like living here. We have friends and family.
Teacher: No you don't. Don't lie.

LOL. So funny.

 

[mirakon]

Three boys are mucking around.

English Teacher: Both of you three get out!

 

[Jordandirk]

Teacher, in response to a stupid comment
"There's one born every 15 minutes, and one dies every 50,000 years... and I suspect you're one of them"
Student: *looks at another student...
"Sir, surely there's more fags than that!"

 

[gabgab]

My year 12 drama teacher when we were playing a drama team work game, sort of like tips.

"Oooh, (puts her hand up excitedly) Andrew, TAP ME!"
Hhaha. im still laughing about it.

 

[deviousgeek]

English (Year 11):

We're all sitting in class and Mrs Head Teacher decides to walk in and ask,

"Sir, you wouldn't happen to have a large overhead projectile for me?"

Dunno why, but we all laughed pretty hard.

History (Year 8):

Mischevous student plays up:
"Well, i'll have you know that that doesn't blow my trumpet!"

Her expression for doing a double page:
"OK students, do me now.. a double page spread"


And an old one that's only funny because of how classic it is:
"Now now kids there will be no tom-foolery around here!"


Most of these you'll probrably find very un-funny, but they were certainly funny at the time

 

[Rachygurl]

drama, studying jaques lecoq:

"lecoq was big on this"
AND
"lecoq was fond of pushing and pulling"

needless to say, the whole class was in hysterics!!!!

 

[Gaston]

So me and my friend were frantically looking around the biology classroom for his English paper (which i had asked to read and had miraculously lost, it was due next period). we were running in and out of class because our teacher was usually really relaxed. anyway it got to a point where everyone was watching and our teacher finally said
"sit down! it may be a big thing to you but not to us"
me: Miss.... Thats what she said.
class cracks up
oh yeh and the essay was under my books

 

[Atlas]

LOL - the English teacher who kept demonstrating hip thrusting movements when talking about Chaucer's Merchant's Tale

 

[kfnmpah]

My chemistry teacher, about how important homework is:

"you can't come to class and not do homework! That's like going to weightwatchers and going home to eat cake"

she's also said "you don't need knowledge to be good at chemistry"

Another time, in maths, my friend asked what to call a particular line in coordinate geometry (i.e. AB or AC etc) it was CLEARLY labelled, so the teacher said "what the hell do you want me to call the line? "Barry"? Geez"

 

[appletoa]

A couple more:

Chemistry teacher: S******'s a fucking idiot.
Us: What!
Teacher: nothing.

My physics teacher while demonstrating laser: You know those people moving their chairs upstairs? Well, I want this laser to be more powerful so I can burn through the floor and castrate them. *waves laser around*

Geography teacher: Someone throw something at S****** (same guy as first one)
Us: OK *Hail of bags, pens etc.*

Another time the teacher was writing down something about satellites in Physics, but he spelt it saterlite. When we pointed out he'd spelt it wrongly, he then changed it to saterlight. Poor guy cannot spell. One time he left us a message on what work to do (he was away for some reason). We spent about 10-15 min wondering what the hell dinaries were until we figured out he meant binaries (as in stars).

 

[clintyboy]

In chemistry, my friends were pissing around, teacher walks past.

"There's a time and place for violent sexual conduct."

 

[appletoa]

Oh, and the time our IPT teacher walked into class late (after we'd been let in by another teacher), looks around, says 'Hi guys!' and walks back out again, locking the door on the way out. She didn't come back either.

Edit: Just remembered this one. We were coming back from a Biology excursion in our teachers car. One girl had been annoying the teacher all the way down, and near the end of the trip she suddenly announced she needed to go to the toilet. Sir just said OK and started driving on the side line of the road (it was one of those ones that make the car vibrate). Everybody laughed so much at her for that.

 

[kaytt]

English Teacher: 'girls, don't ever have sex on a park bench.. you'll get aids and die! Oh, and goodmorning'


We were watching Amelie in english once and the same teacher as above was moaning and had a seedy smirk on her face during all the sex scenes and she said 'oh isn't this just fantastic, looks like so much fun doesn't it girls?'



Science Substitute Teacher: 'girls, I think we can all give a little back by giving Africa condoms... who's in?'


One day in science, a student farted and we had a 'class party' to end the year and when we were all passing the food around he said: 'Girls, I probably wouldn't give her any... we don't want a repeat of the other day ... thar she blows!'

 

[stefgi32]

Oh my god there are so many to name, but these are the ones that I can actually remember the words to:

(1) MY OLC (this is a class for kids in the Philippines who are either advanced students or need support with certain subjects..) teacher got angry at one of the students who wasn't following instructions and said:

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU TO DO? DID I TELL YOU TO GET YOUR FINGER AND STICK IT UP YOUR BUTT!?!?"

I laughed about it for like two months....during this time, I had a test with her and I couldn't stop laughing throughout the test....it was so bad.



(2) ME: [explains something to this really bitchy girl in class]..umm....Laura! Thats it, sorry I couldn't remember your name for a sec.

LAURA: Thats okay, because I don't remember your name, period.

TEACHER: Laura, stop being a bitch.



(3) MATH TEACHER: Stop interrupting my class.

STUDENT: I haven't done anything!

MATH TEACHER: Do you want to take this outside?

I think I'm the only who found this amusing, because I was just imagining this well-dressed, conservative teacher fighting this kid outside and beating the shit outta her. The thought amused me very much so.


(4) SOCIETY & CULTURE TEACHER: If you want to get a 100% in your PIP, it is absolutely, positively impossible......I mean possible!


(5) ME: Oh god, Mrs. Lawler...there is something VERY wrong with her.

SPECIAL NEEDS TEACHER: I second that.


(6) We were talking about some hot actors...Johnny Depp mainly and I think Tom Cruise as well...our biology teacher did not know who either of these men were......
----------------------------
This is more a student one...we have this girl in our class now who is just so inappropriate it is funny. Here are some quotes from her:

LEGAL STUDIES: "Why are we learning about the fucking Aboriginals? I'm tired of hearing about black people, I hate black people. I'm not trying to be racist but I was fucked by this black guy.....its alright, it was actually kinda funny because it was so dark, I couldn't anything except his eyes and teeth, they were just like glowing it was fucking seedy!"

There was also this one time, the teacher was trying to fix the TV to play a video and it started doing that fuzzy thing you know that tvs do when they have no reception...anyone she starts shaking (the inappropriate the girl) and starts faking an epilepsy attack, shaking and falling onto the floor and rolling all over the floor, the teacher just looked at her and with a monotone voice said "Get out, just get out".

SOCIETY & CULTURE: What do you do, if in the middle of the interview for the PIP, the person farts...do you record that in your PIP, how do you do it? Do you just write down "farts", what do you do?

 

[protocol1992]

HAHAH not a bad thread

Heres my english teacher's 'Funny' jokes (note: he is the head teacher of english and prides in teaching his jokes to the other teachers and his students)

Me: Sir, what are some aspects of existentialism
Teacher: Cyclical nature of time and the defiance of religious paradigms are an example, does that make 'cents' (Sense), or 'dollars' or 'sterling pounds'.
Me: Sir, that's not funny...that's a 'little bit' dry
Teacher: You want to see something funny?...Look into the mirror.

well there you have it, a fraction of the jokes our Extension English teacher comes up with.

 

[technicolour]

We were on a trip with some random tour guide who just would not stop talking, and one of our ancient history teachers goes "I just want to tell her to shut the fuck up."

 

[posey-rose]

haha this thread is priceless!

a few of my own to add:

english teacher: now we all know what the rose is a symbol of...
students: (completely blank)
English teacher: the VAGINA!

now, this wouldnt be so bad if there hadnt been someone named Rose in the class. (me)

teacher( to a pair of students who are dating): now you two will be studying together i suppose?...this time i hope it's actual study.
ancient history

Blonde student: Miss, how did the spartans get to America?
teacher: (gives her a wtf look)
blonde student: in the twilight movie, the school says home of the Spartans.
teacher: no.

teacher: the only reason Xerxes went to the battle of Salamis was due to a testosterone rush.

french teacher: oh would you look at that I'm wearing my top inside out (not to mention back to front)

science (was told about these two)

student: sir, what's your daughters' name?
teacher: frankenstein

student: sir, i saw your wife in town the other day
teacher: you look at her again and i'll shoot you

extension english
it was early morning class, and the new student hadnt arrived yet, we were all given piles of study notes which she dubbed as packages. Now since he had missed out on last term's amount of work he had more sheets.

new student enters and is given the "package.": what's this?
female student: oh we all got given packages but im sure that none of them are as big as yours.
teacher:...i think that was a compliment.

same teacher, same student.
our teacher was explaining her brother's jaw operation and how it was sort of like a ball and socket motion. she used her hands to help describe with having one hand shaped in a circle, with the other straight and made in and out motions (yes it looked suss) it was when she pulled an extremely funny face doing this motion, when the new student walked in.

 

[d3vilz]

haha this thread is priceless!

Student: Sir, i saw your wife in town the other day
teacher: You look at her again and i'll shoot you

lmao