From our amazing Chemistry teacher (female):
us- *wrestling and fighting on the floor while being taught Solvay process*
deputy principal comes in- "working hard?"
teacher "nah they're just being even more gay then usual"
"yeah they had a surprise 50th party for me on the weekend at the pub...damn the science staff are a rowdy bunch they were all so wasted!"
"now class I am going out of the room for a few minutes...ELLIOT DO NOT GO NEAR THE BLOODY GAS TAPS!!!"
(after one kid had spilt some weak acid on his face a few days before, was fine though) "now everyone be careful this time, we don't want anyone else ending up like blotch face here...oh snap"
her- "remember, esthers smell!"
student- "like poo?"
her- "yes if that's what gets you off"
(regarding another teacher) "yeah i have a secret suspicion she is a huge bitch...wait it's not really a suspicion is it"
"well class it looks like [other teacher] and I am in some serious shit for letting you have that water fight yesterday...[head discipline guy] made me sit on the naughty stool in the staff room"
(regarding another science teacher) "yeah she is a bit of a deadshit...thank christ you guys got in my class"
"REMEMBER..Le Chatelier was the gay french bloke"
student (referring to another's diagram)- "haha your's is tiny and useless"
teacher- "that's what she said"
"jesus christ if you do not pay fucking attention i will start throwing flasks of acid at you"
Physics Teacher:
student coming late to class on a monday- "sir what happened to your eye"
another student- "he got beaten up"
teacher- "I did not get beaten up..it was a martial arts competition..I did not get beaten up!"
students- "suuuuuure"
"now guys the board and all the other sooks say you can't look at the sun with the spectroscopes, but it looks awesome....just don't you dare write it in the hsc or i go homeless"
(after trying in vain for 30 minutes to explain logs to the general maths people, for distance modulus formula)
"jesus christ how about I just rearrange the formula and you remember that"
student- "sir I saw you speeding like 40km/h over the other day"
teacher- "waah"
*walks into our chemistry lesson to find us preparing for our water fight with senior science class*
"stretch them out first, you will fit more water in...have you thought about flour in them?"
and now my favourite physics moment:
*teacher leaves for a bit, we plug ipod into room's speakers and start blaring ACDC, teacher walks back in earlier then we thought he would*
"good shit"
a few minutes later he was headbanging as he taught us binary stars
3/4U Maths Teacher (priest in his 70's):
"[student] if you do not pass this test you are not allowed to talk in class this year" unfortunately he did pass
his response
every single time we ask him something "well I dunno"
"stop distracting my class"
"I do not care how many people you tackled or who you hooked up with on the weekend just do your work"
student- "YES I GOT IT!!!"
teacher- "i like how you are always surprised"
student- "which questions should I do"
teacher- "which ever ones look the most fun"
English teacher (female):
"shit i hate the board of studies..seriously what the hell"
"I was once informed by my students at Scots that I should park off campus, as my car was too cheap"
"one time on a retreat at a previous school I went to my room and my room mate was lying naked on the bed smoking pot...needless to say that was an awkward night"
"you are the best class I have ever taught..the rest are crap compared to you guys"
"one time i was walking my dog and got chased by a crazy man...luckily he was fat and slow"
"don't give any of these notes to the other classes..ever"
(to me after trials) "you came 7th in the year...extraordinary considering the amount of work you didn't do"
"sometimes I feel like saying shut up Alice (character in novel) you are so stupid"
"Marxists are boring and stupid stop using them as readings it is too narrow and I am sick of reading it"
"I think lockdown practice is stupid so we will keep learning instead"
