Chinese parenting compared to Western (1 Viewer)

[CecilyMare]

that is exactly chinese parenting. amy bitch is a bitch and should be destroyed along with every other similar chinese parent. sorry i can't put this in better words because my parents tell me i am a pathetic stupid pig who is dumb to the pits of shit.

 

[kaz1]

Fuck, wish I had white parents.

 

[Alice_in_wonder]

• attend a sleepover / Never done that

• have a playdate / What the hell is a playdate?

• be in a school play / Never had one in the first place.

• complain about not being in a school play / again.

• watch TV or play computer games / My Parents gave up on trying to get me off games.

• choose their own extracurricular activities / Do you meaning Tutoring?

• get any grade less than an A / I'm the Black Sheep of the family

• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama / Failed at that.

• play any instrument other than the piano or violin / Piano. Piano. Piano.

• not play the piano or violin. / Did i mention Piano?

I think my parents were a little bit more lenient with me because i'm the second child (gasp!). My sister was the golden child. Top of her classes/good Uni course/now earning thousands and she hasn't even finished her internship yet.
I'm the Black Sheep. Total opposite. I did okay. I was the Bsian. Parents let me do art after i RAGED for half my life and showed some kind of 'promise'...But still never got enrolled into art classes and crap. :/
My childhood is sad.

tl;dr

My childhood sucked and i have Asian parents.

 

[suling]

That woman sounds scary!!

My mum is pretty much the opposite..she would always say "Steph, stop studying so much!". Then again, she isn't asian. :/

EDIT: My boyfriend's mother is Asian. She really couldn't have cared less about pushing him to do well.

 

[LoveHateSchool]

Whoa, that lady was scary!

Anyway, I think parenting is a thing we can't lump into such broad catergories. Every person has experienced a slightly unique upbringing-it's determined by upbringing. Personally, I think there is good and bad parenting. But whether the parenting is good or bad depends on whether it's beneficial for the child. Like in some families, the children have different personalities and it's beneficial for them to be parented in a slightly different style.

Even though she has the facade of her children being successful, are they really? When will they learn how to self motivate themselves? Learn from their OWN decision making? Are they happy? Will they crumble in the real world?

Self driven people will go so much further in life than children who drive because they want to please their parents. I've never been pushed academically at all by my parents and I still duxed my year all the time because I put in the work myself. I also did extracurricular like dance, violin etc. and pushed myself to do well in them too. (Oh and even though I think it's irrelevant, I'll probably get asked though, I'm not Asian)

 

[Shadowdude]

I've never been pushed academically at all by my parents and I still duxed my year all the time because I put in the work myself. I also did extracurricular like dance, violin etc. and pushed myself to do well in them too. (Oh and even though I think it's irrelevant, I'll probably get asked though, I'm not Asian)

Go out and look at the bogans who have also been never pushed academically by their parents and fail in life and keep impregnating women and put pressure on the health system due to their stupidity.

That is why I support more the Asian style because it's forceful. You are perhaps the 0.1% exception.

For this:

Even though she has the facade of her children being successful, are they really? When will they learn how to self motivate themselves? Learn from their OWN decision making? Are they happy? Will they crumble in the real world?

I would say - comparatively to the average person made from the 'Caucasian' style of parenting, yes. I see too many bogans around these days.

 

[LoveHateSchool]

Hey, there's a difference between being a non pushy parent and not parenting at all. I think 0.1% is quite rich. I have many friends, similar style of parenting to mine that have great academic, music, sport etc. results and social skills. My parents never put pressure on me and supported my interest.There's a difference to forcing a child to "succeed" at school and neglecting their academics completely. Neglecting their academics include discouraging academic activity/work, not reading with when they are young etc. Many people with pushy parents have inadequacy issues because they feel they don't measure up. I've seen it manifest in the form of OCD, low self esteem, mental breakdowns, depression or eating disorders. I'll offer up an older example too, one who's done their HSC with same parenting style as I. My sister received a UAI of around 97. She was VERY successful in university receiving many accolades. She's studied at Australian unis and overseas unis. She's lived and worked in Australia and overseas. I much prefer to be self driven and do things for my sense of achievement only, instead of being forced to do stuff. I know people with non pushy parents receive higher ATAR's too.

You say you support the more Asian style? Is this the style you were raised in? Because I've seen you posting around these boards Shadow, and you seem extremely socially awkward. All those posts about been unable to talk to a girl? And also you seem to have obsessive mannerisms. I'm not sure those are positive attributes to attribute to their upbringing. Fostering social skills in a child is a part of parenting too you know.

I found it absolutely absurd that the children weren't allowed playdates in that article. Such restrictive lifestyle will never allow the kids to make their own choices and understand their own consequences. Bedtimes, controlled screentimes, extremely controlled social activity can all be tools to hinder a child's ability to lean life experience.

 

[mitchy_boy]

This IQ thing is lulz, can someone post a link to a decent free iQ test?

Is the IQtest.com one reliable? I did that before, I wonna see how I match up to the asian super average...

 

[Omnipotence]

I guess this is not applicable to me - my Asian parents don't force me to study or attend tuition. I choose to.
I understand their perspective though. They immigrated to Australia - a country of countless opportunies, to provide their children with an optimistic future. They work long pain sickening hours in a factory because they lack education. Subsequently Asian parents perceive education as a window to a more prosperous and easy life, this is why they enforce their children to do well. Yes, I agree, there should be a line drawn across the sand. When I have children, I won't compel them to strive for this 'I should be number one in everything' mentality but let them decide for themselves. Hopefully they will appreciate the value of education and hard work.

 

[cosmo kramer]

This IQ thing is lulz, can someone post a link to a decent free iQ test?

Is the IQtest.com one reliable? I did that before, I wonna see how I match up to the asian super average...

Online IQ tests are rubbish and you probably won't get a reliable score from most of them. Your score on one will only correlate to a varying degree with a score on a proper, standardized IQ test. The correlations between proper, full-profiled, individually administered IQ tests are much higher and more reliable.

 

[mirakon]

Go out and look at the bogans who have also been never pushed academically by their parents and fail in life and keep impregnating women and put pressure on the health system due to their stupidity.

That is why I support more the Asian style because it's forceful. You are perhaps the 0.1% exception.

For this:



I would say - comparatively to the average person made from the 'Caucasian' style of parenting, yes. I see too many bogans around these days.

What would you take:

-A life where you are always told what to do, with no free will,, and forced to get a good-paying job that you hate and forced to do it for the rest of your life. No parties, no true friends, no fun, no hanging out, no social skills. A life where you don't really have a life. (Asian way which you describe)

OR

-Heaps of sex. ( Your definition of Bogans)

 

[Shadowdude]

Meh, I'm chinese and if I had this kind of mother I would just fuck up everything. All Chinese mothers do is press them into finding a good uni course such as med, law or commerce and at the end all they have is tons of money without any life (depends how u define this word).

Plus any chinese who are atheist?

EDIT - And my mother was similar to that.

Without any life? Make that "wife".

You say you support the more Asian style? Is this the style you were raised in? Because I've seen you posting around these boards Shadow, and you seem extremely socially awkward. All those posts about been unable to talk to a girl? And also you seem to have obsessive mannerisms. I'm not sure those are positive attributes to attribute to their upbringing. Fostering social skills in a child is a part of parenting too you know.

And LHS, of course I was raised in an Asian style - with heavy emphasis on academics. I see all these bogans roaming around and I question why their parents aren't doing more to protect their children. And I seem extremely socially awkward - and I will accept that. And that post about not being able to talk to a girl? That's not due to social awkwardness - it's due to the places where I am and the places she is not aligning.

And yes, obsessive mannerisms I have perhaps. Still, it's better than me going out getting drunk and doing all that stuff. Social skills can be developed - I have done that, what one cannot "develop" is regaining their dignity once they are known as "The slut of the town" or similar derogatory names. Those mistakes you can't go back on - in my belief.

What would you take:

-A life where you are always told what to do, with no free will,, and forced to get a good-paying job that you hate and forced to do it for the rest of your life. No parties, no true friends, no fun, no hanging out, no social skills. A life where you don't really have a life. (Asian way which you describe)

OR

-Heaps of sex. ( Your definition of Bogans)

Second one of course =P (if I had to select between one of those)

But the Asian way in which I supposedly "describe" is one of complete control. Though, that is taking it to the extreme. And thus, I select the second one.

What the "Asian way" is essentially, is very strong guidance on life from parents. What the 'average' Asian parent does is a balance of what is in the article - strongly weighted to the Asian side. But not extremely so, like the writer.

 

[mirakon]

Without any life? Make that "wife".




Second one of course =P (if I had to select between one of those)

But the Asian way in which I supposedly "describe" is one of complete control. Though, that is taking it to the extreme. And thus, I select the second one.

What the "Asian way" is essentially, is very strong guidance on life from parents. What the 'average' Asian parent does is a balance of what is in the article - strongly weighted to the Asian side. But not extremely so, like the writer.

but this contradicts what you said earlier, because the post i replied to you explicitly state that you prefer the first option (asianness)

 

[Shadowdude]

I selected the second one because you took both "bogan" and "Asian" to the extreme - and based on that choice, I would rather have the bogan life - at that extreme. In normal circumstances, I like Aeroplane Jelly... err, I mean Asian lifestyle. Asian lifestyle for me! /jingle

 

[Mature Lamb]

This bitch needs to die in a fire. I'm sorry but this keeps popping up everywhere and I always see articles about this. Just pisses me off >=(

 

[davidbarnes]

That article is ridiculous. No children should live like that.

 

[Omie Jay]

look at her and her sibling, she's a yale professor, her brother is from harvard or something i think, so you cant really say something like "she doesnt know what she's doing", because she's very educated, and her method is working (although it's super extreme).

there was an article on this in The Australian recently (yesterday i think), and it includes the opinion of Li Cunxin (author of Mao's Last Dancer and apparently a very sought after motivational speaker), and he says (from experiencing both the eastern and western way of parenting) that there needs to be a balance between the two. You need to be strict to enforce stuff, but not too strict, they need some freedom too, and i agree with him.

 

[seremify007]

I remember reading this article a week or so ago... it really does resonate with a lot of Chinese families (including my own) but that being said, like all things in life, there are some who take it more extreme than others.

 

[muzeikchun852]

im a chinese myself and i can say most of things they mention there is true for my early childhood life.
• attend a sleepover - tick and cross ! she would let me go, but she needs to know whos there, wat are we doing there, whos looking after us, wat is the background of the family, etc.

• have a playdate - ?

• be in a school play - tick !

• complain about not being in a school play - tick !

• watch TV or play computer games - cross ! but not when i have exam and assessment task on .

• choose their own extracurricular activities - tick ! scout and musical band was a must. but i like it.

• get any grade less than an A - cross ! anything less than a B.

• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama - tick and cross ! not be the top 10-15 in every subject except gym, history and drama.

• play any instrument other than the piano or violin - tick (?) - i only played the piano.

• not play the piano or violin. - tick (?)

the situation that the author mention about the piano practice - i experienced almost the same situation. but with toilet break, with dinner, with tv time. but i have to maser that piece of music by the end of the day as well. so that artice is sort of in the extreme side.

the name calling obviously happened loads of time, until i became null of it.

but im sort of agree with the author. my mum wouldnt be worry if im home alone, while screaming and door banging happening next door in the same situation. and disrespect is no no for sure. name calling toward ur parents would result of no dinner or being silent for the next 3-5 hours.

 

[Jaundice]

My mum is only 1/4 chinese and she was very strict.

- no sleepovers on school nights. Very VERY VERY rarely allowed during holidays. Not allowed indefinately if there are boys there, older male siblings or just the father home or no parents.

- not allowed to quit sports or miss sport training or competition unless very ill.

- not allowed to go to parties.

- not allowed to go out at night.

- not allowed to do any social activities on a school night.

- not allowed to go swimming unsupervised.

- not allowed to go to the beach with friends or alone.

- not allowed to cook.

- not allowed to use knives or scissors. (We'd been using metal scissors for years and one day when i was in year 9 she told me we weren't allowed to use them. ???)

- not allowed to go out by myself.

- not allowed to get driven home by other people unless arranged (mum would interrogate their parents.)

- not allowed to walk home.

- not allowed to date/kiss/fuck anyone.

- not allowed to shave

- not allowed to pluck eyebrows.

- not allowed to wear make-up.