Sex Before Marriage (2 Viewers)

[withoutaface]

I wouldnt be in a relationship with someone I knew that has same gender sex. Whats stopping that person later on in life of doing the same thing...or realising, gee darling, ive made a mistake...im gay.

What's stopping someone who's had sex with another opposite sex person from cheating on you with someone of that sex?

 

[Serius]

wow nice post, i think you explained yourself very well. After reading all that i fully suport you in your endeavours, no more snide remarks from me. Some people jump on the bandwagon of no sex till marriage [ heard of the pledge, or the silver ring thing?] thinking it is the right decission for their life, some people arent commit enough or dont have strong enough ideals to go through with it after they make the initial decisison.
me personally? its not really for me, and even if i could turn back time i would probably make the same choices. The way you put it makes it sound very romantic, but i doubt i will ever find a girl that would could possibly conform with that ideal, and so i have no desire to keep my v-card[ do guys even have v-card? meh probably another issue]

so now i understand the issue more fully, i have a few questions bred purely out of curiousity

1. couldnt a guy just lie about it so that they got a really nice girl, who had strong ideals AND was a vergin? iam sure there would be the guilt factor, but if she never found out and you dont mind losing a little sleep it could happen right? If you were a female with the same morals about sex after marriage and what not, would you be worried about this?

2. I am not sure i understand your stance of remarrying, in the event of a spouses death you are a widower, would that make it morally wrong for you to meet other people, not have sex with them, remarry and then consumate the marriage? like you said there is more than one love in everyones life, and its not asif yout ex-wife wouldnt want you to be happy

3. In todays world you may be seen as a bit strange by some girls because you dont want to sleep with them, this might make it hard to find a girlfriend...how do you deal with this? Do you only meet girls at church or something?

4. If i may ask, has your erm experience with girls been limited by your morals? Like did you find it difficult to get a kiss off a girl for the first time and erm have you had a long term relationship with a girl, who was fully aware of your situation [ you dont have to answer this]

5. How far do your morals go? I know you dont do sex yet cause u aint married, but kissing seems fine by you, what about the stuff in between? you said consumate the marriage so iam gonna assume intercourse, is oral sex, masturbation, hell touching a girl, or even seeing a girl naked [ in real life] is that off limits? what about porn? iam gonna assume you watch it and iam also going to assume you masturbate but ive known people who are full on about this and like u said, didnt kiss till the altar. [you dont have to answer this either]

good luck, and a little friendly advice: yes the emotional connection is pretty good, but dont beleive all the hype, sex is good, its fun, it feels good but it isnt all like OMGZ BEST PLEASURE EVER! FEELS LIKE IAM DIEING OF ORGASM SO GOOOD sorta thing, so dont expect fireworks behind your eyes and a body wracking wave of pleasure, aint gonna happen, especially on your first time[ and probably hers] the best thing you gain from it will be the emotional experience, ans sex wont even get all that good [ first type of good, not the hyped up caps type of good] until like 2nd or third time.

 

[BradCube]

wow nice post, i think you explained yourself very well. After reading all that i fully suport you in your endeavours, no more snide remarks from me. Some people jump on the bandwagon of no sex till marriage [ heard of the pledge, or the silver ring thing?] thinking it is the right decission for their life, some people arent commit enough or dont have strong enough ideals to go through with it after they make the initial decisison.
me personally? its not really for me, and even if i could turn back time i would probably make the same choices. The way you put it makes it sound very romantic, but i doubt i will ever find a girl that would could possibly conform with that ideal, and so i have no desire to keep my v-card[ do guys even have v-card? meh probably another issue]

Thanks for your kind words mate. I didn't think I would be talking further than marriage from this thread but I will endevour to answer all of your questions.

1. couldnt a guy just lie about it so that they got a really nice girl, who had strong ideals AND was a vergin? iam sure there would be the guilt factor, but if she never found out and you dont mind losing a little sleep it could happen right? If you were a female with the same morals about sex after marriage and what not, would you be worried about this?

1.Yeah I am sure this could happen. But in reality I know I could never live with the guilt of a constant lie with my most loved. A Marriage should be completely open and honest about everything if it is to work, and this definatley includes things that happened in the past. I think if someone was willing to lie about being a virgin then a lot more of their morals would not match with the same morals as the virgins. I am sure that it is possible for a guy to live a fake, nice "perfect me" life and trick the girl though. Also another consideration, would a guy who doesn't care about virginity be willing to hold out and not have sex with her until marriage? Just a thought. Not sure, if I can answer your question about being a female for obvoius reasons but I can say that from my own point of view, it is really easy to tell where people stand in their morals by the way they live out their entire live, not just in regard to viginity. If they didn't match up then I think I would know and would subconsciously stear clear of that person. I imagine that much of that would be similar for females also.

2. I am not sure i understand your stance of remarrying, in the event of a spouses death you are a widower, would that make it morally wrong for you to meet other people, not have sex with them, remarry and then consumate the marriage? like you said there is more than one love in everyones life, and its not asif yout ex-wife wouldnt want you to be happy

2. If your spouse had died, then there is nothing wrong with remarrying either a virgin or someone else who's spouse had died. This is because both poeple have fufullied the promises made for marriage. Make sense? Personally for me what I meant though, is I don't think I would ever be able to have that same happiness back again (even if my spouse was happy for it) so I would not remarry in the hope that after death I would be re-united with them again.

There is nothing morally wrong with the remarrying in that scenario if that is what you meant.

3. In todays world you may be seen as a bit strange by some girls because you dont want to sleep with them, this might make it hard to find a girlfriend...how do you deal with this? Do you only meet girls at church or something?

3. I'm a fortunate enough to have found the most beautiful person I will ever know who holds to the same values as me. Together we have both agreed that we would not have sex before marriage. She is from my school, but you hit the nail on the head when you said from church. A lot of families teach very different values, to the world we live in, in churches. Some of my most moral friends are from church. So to answer your question, yeah I am sure it would make it a lot more limited if looking for a girl with the same values as I hold. I mean a guy wanting virginity is strange right? But it is not impossible to find one.

4. If i may ask, has your erm experience with girls been limited by your morals? Like did you find it difficult to get a kiss off a girl for the first time and erm have you had a long term relationship with a girl, who was fully aware of your situation [ you dont have to answer this]

Depends what you mean by limited. I'll assume you mean physically since you mentioned kissing. Yeah of course it has been limiting, but that is the way it has to be. I cannot expect to have my morals valued if I am not willing to put them into practice. But personally, I don't see this limiting in a bad light, in fact I am glad it happens this way because it means that almost everything I do physically will only be shared with the person I intend to marry. Getting my first kiss? lol. It wasn't that hard, it was year 7 although I think that it was more of a peck than a kiss. Truth be told if there is a difference between pecking and being kissed by someone you love, then I have never been kissed. That is something I am glad of. Because it means it is one more thing I can share with "the one".

Long term relationship? I am hoping that the one I am in will be as long term as is possible - marriage.

5. How far do your morals go? I know you dont do sex yet cause u aint married, but kissing seems fine by you, what about the stuff in between? you said consumate the marriage so iam gonna assume intercourse, is oral sex, masturbation, hell touching a girl, or even seeing a girl naked [ in real life] is that off limits? what about porn? iam gonna assume you watch it and iam also going to assume you masturbate but ive known people who are full on about this and like u said, didnt kiss till the altar. [you dont have to answer this either]

"... iam gonna assume intercourse, is oral sex, masturbation, hell touching a girl, or even seeing a girl naked [ in real life] is that off limits?" All of these things shared with a girl are off limits for me. These, in my opinion should only come after I am married.

Pornography is also off limits. I'm not going to lie and say I have never seen it, because it would be almost an impossiblilty in the world we live today. However, porn is still off limits, I don't go to pornographic webites, or have any video's, pictures ect stored on my computer. Lusting after another woman other than my wife is what makes it wrong. It would make me feel as though I had degraded her and she was not good enough. I don't want the one I love to feel that she can't be everything I need. Because in all honesty, she should and will be everything I need.

Masturbation (solo, not with partner) is very different again in that even christian opinions are divided over it. If you want my own opinion PM me because I don't think it would be appropriate to talk about here.

and a little friendly advice: yes the emotional connection is pretty good, but dont beleive all the hype, sex is good, its fun, it feels good but it isnt all like OMGZ BEST PLEASURE EVER! FEELS LIKE IAM DIEING OF ORGASM SO GOOOD sorta thing, so dont expect fireworks behind your eyes and a body wracking wave of pleasure, aint gonna happen, especially on your first time[ and probably hers] the best thing you gain from it will be the emotional experience

To be perfectly honest I am more interested in the emotional connection and bond that it creates than the actual physical pleasure gained from it. This is why it is so important to me that I and my partner only share it with each other. I don't want them or me to have that same connection with anyone else, that way the bond between each of us is stronger.

I hope that clears it all up, let me know if there is anything more

 

[ur_inner_child]

better to have one heartache than 10 million hearaches.

read bradcube's posts... you seem to share the same ideas and values, he seems to explain his views logically and meaningfully. you on the other hand, you are not only oversimplifiying and using extremes, by doing so you're being very disrespectful. perhaps im just bitter because im back at work and i hate it, but nevertheless, it has certainly pissed me off.

you could've worded that as "one heartache is enough"

 

[acmilan]

How on Earth can you know? You can't. Limiting yourself like that is only going to cause heartache.

You're going to hell Josie Damn you and your heathen sexual practices!

 

[Josie]

I love you too Vince.

 

[SweetSeasons]

I just think it's kind of stupid to say you would never get a devorice and would only get one under one circumstance... what if the person you are married to wants a divorce....

 

[Josie]

Your dead right, there is no way I can understand that because I have not been there. There is no way I will ever be able to understand that, because I won't ever be there, so I can't argue with you in that regard. Judging by the way you are talking though, has sleeping with more than one person made sex lose its meaning? Like the first time, it must have been a huge and meaningful step in the relationship. However, now, even though it is fantastic and different with every person has it lost it's meaning slowly, knowing that sex doesn't always mean commitment?

Like Serius, I can appreciate your arguments, since they're your moral beliefs, well thought out, and obviously someone elses opinion on an internet forum isn't going to change that, and it shouldn't.

And no, the first time was quite possibly a mistake, a rushed and pressured one at that. (And we were too young).
But sex does mean commitment. To the person I'm with. I'm with the definition of monogamy as a singular partner for any one period of time, not for a lifetime. I have loved probably twice in my life, and if I had of married the first one, then I'd be in a whole heap of trouble.
Sex doesn't seem to be losing meaning to me- it is an intense physical and emotional bond I share with my partner, and it's not something I could share with anyone else while we were together. Keeping in mind here, while I'm only 19, I've basically had nothing but at least one year relationships. So it's not like I'm screwing someone new every week. I've had partners I *haven't* had sex with, like my ex of a year, because it just didn't feel right.

Basically, it comes down to a difference in morals and opinions. We're both right, to ourselves. And I wish you luck with that one lucky lady, and hope she doesn't turn out to be the wrong one.

 

[yy]

people, stop being so selfish! share the love (safely). like all good things in life, sharing is double the fun. ok, i'm just kidding.

 

[iambored]

edit

 

[BradCube]

I just think it's kind of stupid to say you would never get a devorice and would only get one under one circumstance... what if the person you are married to wants a divorce....

This is why I'll be marrying someone with the same values as myself. Divorce, put simply, is not an option. Working through all the things that don't seem to work is a far better way, in my opinion, then calling it quits. So unless I have an affair, there would be no reason for her to ask for a divorce. Marriage is a life long commitment to one another and I plan on doing everything in my power to keep it that way for my marriage.

Like Serius, I can appreciate your arguments, since they're your moral beliefs, well thought out, and obviously someone elses opinion on an internet forum isn't going to change that, and it shouldn't.

And no, the first time was quite possibly a mistake, a rushed and pressured one at that. (And we were too young).
But sex does mean commitment. To the person I'm with. I'm with the definition of monogamy as a singular partner for any one period of time, not for a lifetime. I have loved probably twice in my life, and if I had of married the first one, then I'd be in a whole heap of trouble.
Sex doesn't seem to be losing meaning to me- it is an intense physical and emotional bond I share with my partner, and it's not something I could share with anyone else while we were together. Keeping in mind here, while I'm only 19, I've basically had nothing but at least one year relationships. So it's not like I'm screwing someone new every week. I've had partners I *haven't* had sex with, like my ex of a year, because it just didn't feel right.

Basically, it comes down to a difference in morals and opinions. We're both right, to ourselves. And I wish you luck with that one lucky lady, and hope she doesn't turn out to be the wrong one.

It really facinates me, the differences in opinions and values. It has been a great wake up call really.

The difference I'm sure lie in how much value I and you place on sex (we knew that from the beginning though right?). For me, sharing such an intimate act is something I only want to give to one person. So that me giving myself to them is something that says, "I love you, I care for you, and will always be commited to you only". I want it to be a monagomous commitment, but one that lasts for a lifetime, so they know that they are the only person which I want to open up myslef completely to - The only person I want to become "one" with. I want something that is not only a fantastic experience for both of us, but something that is exclusive between both of us. Something that we share with no other so we can only share it with each other.

It's hard for me to agree completely with what you are saying because as you can see, I place such a different value on this act. However, in many ways I can see the logic in your values. I just don't think that, it would ever work smoothly like that, for me, if I was in that position.

You said that sex still equals commitment, but I'm lost a bit as to how. If you know that sex does not mean life long commitment but still think it makes you commited to one partner I'm lost. I'm thinking that maybe you meant you won't be sleeping with other people whilst you are sleeping with them. I wouldn't have thought you needed sex to get that message accross. But, I don't think that is what you meant either. I'm thinking that it must re-enforce that message? If that is the case, what can you give your partner to let them know that you want to be with them for the rest of their lives. Words?

I would like to be able to tell them not only in words, not just in the certificate when getting married, but also tell them physically, emotionally and spirtually. And that bond is the value that I place upon sex to give the marriage, if both couples have saved their virginity for one another.

lol, this is great, I honestly didn't expect this thread to get so far and deep in discussion, thanks for being willing to participate guys. It's been a real eye opener to see just how different everyone else is.

 

[Josie]

It really facinates me, the differences in opinions and values. It has been a great wake up call really.

The difference I'm sure lie in how much value I and you place on sex (we knew that from the beginning though right?). For me, sharing such an intimate act is something I only want to give to one person. So that me giving myself to them is something that says, "I love you, I care for you, and will always be commited to you only". I want it to be a monagomous commitment, but one that lasts for a lifetime, so they know that they are the only person which I want to open up myslef completely to - The only person I want to become "one" with. I want something that is not only a fantastic experience for both of us, but something that is exclusive between both of us. Something that we share with no other so we can only share it with each other.

It's hard for me to agree completely with what you are saying because as you can see, I place such a different value on this act. However, in many ways I can see the logic in your values. I just don't think that, it would ever work smoothly like that, for me, if I was in that position.

You said that sex still equals commitment, but I'm lost a bit as to how. If you know that sex does not mean life long commitment but still think it makes you commited to one partner I'm lost. I'm thinking that maybe you meant you won't be sleeping with other people whilst you are sleeping with them. I wouldn't have thought you needed sex to get that message accross. But, I don't think that is what you meant either. I'm thinking that it must re-enforce that message? If that is the case, what can you give your partner to let them know that you want to be with them for the rest of their lives. Words?

I would like to be able to tell them not only in words, not just in the certificate when getting married, but also tell them physically, emotionally and spirtually. And that bond is the value that I place upon sex to give the marriage, if both couples have saved their virginity for one another.

lol, this is great, I honestly didn't expect this thread to get so far and deep in discussion, thanks for being willing to participate guys. It's been a real eye opener to see just how different everyone else is.

Ahh, but I don't think I should HAVE to tell them I want to be with them for the rest of our lives. I am committed to one person for as long as I am with them, but unlike you, I don't believe there is just "one person" for you. And there's nothing wrong with that, for me.
We very obviously place different values on sex, like marriage (I'll never be getting married, as a matter of interest. I don't believe in upholding the history of religious domination on this planet. But that's an entirely different story for another day).

 

[BradCube]

Do you think people are able to change that much (from sleeping with anyone to no one)? I think I used to think it was possible, but now that I have had more time to think about it and see people I really think people don't change. For example, someone who decided to change their ways will always have a streak of their past in them during the present, making it easier for them to snap back to their old self at any time. I've seen it happen a couple of times, and only time will let me know how often it happens.

Not often at all, which is why I think the likelyhood of this occuring (virgin marrying non-virgin) is very low. I think the only time I have seen it occur is when someone has become a christian and their values change incredibley over a short period of time. But even then, like you said, it is hard to snap back out of the old habits. I think the fact that it is hard to snap back out of this pattern is what would make it hard for the virgin to give their partner full trust in regard to their thoughts ect.

 

[BradCube]

Ahh, but I don't think I should HAVE to tell them I want to be with them for the rest of our lives. I am committed to one person for as long as I am with them, but unlike you, I don't believe there is just "one person" for you. And there's nothing wrong with that, for me.
We very obviously place different values on sex, like marriage (I'll never be getting married, as a matter of interest. I don't believe in upholding the history of religious domination on this planet. But that's an entirely different story for another day).

Maybe you don't have to tell them, but I know I sure want to be able to tell them. Not only for thier benifit but for my benifit in that I am able to re-affarim what we already know in such a deep way.

If you are never getting married, it becomes a lot more clear as to how your point of view is formed. If you believe there is no value in marriage, then what value would there ever be in holding sex for one person if you will spend your life with many? I can understand this more now. I know this could never be for me though. I would end up completley screwed over (no pun intended) if I slept with more than one person and had multiple partners for the rest of my life. I just couldn't do it. It would ruin me psychologically and I would just feel terrible. That may not be everyone, but I know for me, that is just not possible.

 

[Josie]

You make it sound like I'm having constant orgies I would only ever be in a relationship/sleep with one person.

But yes, I place no value in marriage, hence not seeing any point in saving for something that isn't going to happen.
But even if I don't get married, that doesn't mean I won't find one person to be with for the rest of my life. And even then, I still won't get married.

 

[BradCube]

You make it sound like I'm having constant orgies I would only ever be in a relationship/sleep with one person.

lol. I didn't mean it like that at all. Sorry

I am assuming from your prevoius comments that you see marriage as no more than a piece of paper? If so why is that, I think there is definately something different about being recognizied as married, rather than a couple that lives in the same house. Something more than just a piece of paper goes on, am I the only one that notice's that?

Also if you really see it as there being no difference, why would you choose not to go through with being married together? Is it to spite "religion"? Makes it harder to seperate? If the difference is really only a piece of paper, then why not get married and have a romantic day and honeymoon with your love?

 

[iambored]

brad cube - you don't have PMs enabled

 

[BradCube]

brad cube - you don't have PMs enabled

lol, thanks for that, let me fix it up...if I can figure out how. lol

 

[iambored]

user cp / edit options / "messaging and notifications" box / enable PM

 

[BradCube]

user cp / edit options / "messaging and notifications" box / enable PM

yup got it, ta