Should virginity be regarded as a virtue in modern society? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Captain Gh3y
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*Big grin* Uuuuum , ME!!!!fernando said:
Not till next year ....but soon
I used to say I wouldnt marry till 30, LOL. He isnt THAT patient though!!!!You dont have to have children right away , or at all
I used to believe that being a virgin somehow made you more moral...and better than everyone else. I had that battle afterwards, when there was a miscommunication with my partner about the topic.
I told him that I basically gave my life to him and I thought that he'd wanted forever with me, but we didn't have that sort of talk afterwards. We had arguments since 2 years ago and he had doubts about that. Turns out that yes, he does want forever with me (since the beginning) but didn't think it was necessary to say it, only work towards it. He didn't know where my insecurities came from. Before then, I'd felt insecure and lost. I looked at all those girls waiting for marriage and wondered whether I should've waited.
Now we have a compromise - I stop clawing and patronizing him and he'll tell me it's forever a bit more. I feel absolutely okay with that side of my life. I used to want to plan it all, but it was the most natural thing I've ever done. I felt like my reasons for saving for marriage was somehow wrong and unrealistic. I had too many expectations...besides, I was more arrogant and naive then.
Am I jealous of those girls who're saving themselves for a special moment? Deep down I still am, but now it's become something like: the grass is greener on the other side. Perhaps girls who've had the planning experience would've prefered a more natural approach.
So I'm saying to all the virgins out there: Don't think you're above everyone else and don't expect too much.
I told him that I basically gave my life to him and I thought that he'd wanted forever with me, but we didn't have that sort of talk afterwards. We had arguments since 2 years ago and he had doubts about that. Turns out that yes, he does want forever with me (since the beginning) but didn't think it was necessary to say it, only work towards it. He didn't know where my insecurities came from. Before then, I'd felt insecure and lost. I looked at all those girls waiting for marriage and wondered whether I should've waited.
Now we have a compromise - I stop clawing and patronizing him and he'll tell me it's forever a bit more. I feel absolutely okay with that side of my life. I used to want to plan it all, but it was the most natural thing I've ever done. I felt like my reasons for saving for marriage was somehow wrong and unrealistic. I had too many expectations...besides, I was more arrogant and naive then.
Am I jealous of those girls who're saving themselves for a special moment? Deep down I still am, but now it's become something like: the grass is greener on the other side. Perhaps girls who've had the planning experience would've prefered a more natural approach.
So I'm saying to all the virgins out there: Don't think you're above everyone else and don't expect too much.
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Captain Gh3y
Rhinorhondothackasaurus
You're talking about losing your girl-girl virginity in this paragraph aren't you?Salchow said:
For pity's sake Salchow?Salchow said:
I dont think Im above everyone else, & Ive never met a virgin who does.Its just what Im doing. Im just different. and I can expect & work towards what I want
It has worked so far very well in my life
Oh , alrightie then^CoSMic DoRiS^^ said:*true*, I'm not judging you. I'm just trying to understand your reasoning for your beliefs. I don't think they're wrong or anything...I just wonder if there's any reason other than "it's my choice". Like, why did you make that choice, why is it so important to you, etc.
Like I said I'm not judging you but I'm interested to know your reasoning if there is any. Most of the people I've met with similar beliefs can't explain why they have them when asked and that kind of annoys me
Well , it is my choice because of reasons I guess
I think ive already put quite a few of them on this thread , if you look back a bit you'll see themif there is anything you still want to know , Id be happy to explain...
Some people dont like to talk about and justify themselves for their decisions , & I personally think that is fair enough.
Do you mind my asking what your reasons are for your beliefs with regards to this topic? (or are you undecided or whatever..?)
^CoSMic DoRiS^^
makes the woosh noises
lol ok.*TRUE* said:Oh , alrightie then
Well , it is my choice because of reasons I guess
if there is anything you still want to know , Id be happy to explain...
Some people dont like to talk about and justify themselves for their decisions , & I personally think that is fair enough.
Do you mind my asking what your reasons are for your beliefs with regards to this topic? (or are you undecided or whatever..?)
I believe that a healthy, intimate, loving relationship needs to involve physical intimacy to survive and that this is just as important as all the other kinds of communication of affection and love that a couple share with each other. Because without it...well, I'm not sure how if this will sound right but, ok, 2 really really good friends could have the same kind of relationship as a 'couple' who don't engage in physical affection, sexually. Sex makes the relationship a relationship.
I don't believe that having sex with multiple partners before you find 'the one' is a bad thing to do, because every relationship should be judged on its own merits and those alone, and if you have reached a level of trust and intimacy with each other where you want to express it sexually, then that's perfectly okay, even if one day you decide to break up. I think the idea of saving yourself for someone is strange because you are denying a basic urge as well as potentially damaging a relationship that could have been beautiful if both people had been willing to "give themselves" to each other.
Also, I don't believe you need to be married to prove that your relationship will stand the test of time because when you get right down to it, you go through the motions of a ritual and get a piece of paper saying you are legally man and wife, but your relationship hasn't really changed.
I'm not sure how eloquently I expressed that, but probably the basic difference between me and those who choose to 'save' their virginity is that I see every relationship as having the potential to turn into the one you stay in for the rest of, or most of, your life, and marriage is not necessary to validate that, whereas people who would rather save themselves seem to be holding off, so to speak, until they find someone who lives up entirely to a vision they have of what a perfect relationship is. Would I be right to say that? I dunno. So I do wonder sometimes if those people do have insecurities that prevent them from engaging fully in a relationship...I know that's not everybody but I do wonder. I also wonder how they know that someone is The One when all they have to go on is non physical communication. I mean, I know it's not all important but I don't think you can make that call without it.
Anyway, that's where I stand.
Serius
Beyond Godlike
What about the reverse? i know a girl who is saving herself for marriage, but she isnt an Australian citizen, however she is looking to marry and Australian so she can live here permanently.
Now would it be ok for her to have a sham marriage where neither cares about the other and she pays him so she can get married and stay here.... would sex now be on the table? because if the rule is for love then obviously she wont but if its specifically just to be married then i don't see why not :/
Now would it be ok for her to have a sham marriage where neither cares about the other and she pays him so she can get married and stay here.... would sex now be on the table? because if the rule is for love then obviously she wont but if its specifically just to be married then i don't see why not :/
I agree with all those in bold.^CoSMic DoRiS^^ said:lol ok.
I believe that a healthy, intimate, loving relationship needs to involve physical intimacy to survive and that this is just as important as all the other kinds of communication of affection and love that a couple share with each other. Because without it...well, I'm not sure how if this will sound right but, ok, 2 really really good friends could have the same kind of relationship as a 'couple' who don't engage in physical affection, sexually. Sex makes the relationship a relationship.
I don't believe that having sex with multiple partners before you find 'the one' is a bad thing to do, because every relationship should be judged on its own merits and those alone, and if you have reached a level of trust and intimacy with each other where you want to express it sexually, then that's perfectly okay, even if one day you decide to break up. I think the idea of saving yourself for someone is strange because you are denying a basic urge as well as potentially damaging a relationship that could have been beautiful if both people had been willing to "give themselves" to each other.
Also, I don't believe you need to be married to prove that your relationship will stand the test of time because when you get right down to it, you go through the motions of a ritual and get a piece of paper saying you are legally man and wife, but your relationship hasn't really changed.
I'm not sure how eloquently I expressed that, but probably the basic difference between me and those who choose to 'save' their virginity is that I see every relationship as having the potential to turn into the one you stay in for the rest of, or most of, your life, and marriage is not necessary to validate that, whereas people who would rather save themselves seem to be holding off, so to speak, until they find someone who lives up entirely to a vision they have of what a perfect relationship is. Would I be right to say that? I dunno. So I do wonder sometimes if those people do have insecurities that prevent them from engaging fully in a relationship...I know that's not everybody but I do wonder. I also wonder how they know that someone is The One when all they have to go on is non physical communication. I mean, I know it's not all important but I don't think you can make that call without it.
Anyway, that's where I stand.
I respect people who're saving themselves for someone to spend the rest of their lives with...yet once they find them, it should be ok! No stones should be left unturned before the wedding. Otherwise, people would just wonder whether you know eachother well enough, or do you even talk about what you like/dislike in that area. It's people's choices though. Suit yourself. Hopefully you won't have nasty surprises where the groom just rips the dress off. Sex before marriage with one person doesn't make it any less special after marriage with the same person.
It's so easy to take a heuristic and think: Hey they don't make love, it must be a taboo topic between them. Once you find that special someone, let it go, don't plan, don't make it plastic.
Okay, maybe it should be worded differently. I respect people no matter what, but I don't like their beliefs at times. Enter every relationship treating the other as a lifetime partner or save your integrity and don't get into one at all. Be sure that you're giving yourself to the right partner and don't think about breaking up.
Marriage is sacred, though. It makes a relationship official. It's not just a piece of paper, it's also recognizing that you have a bond where you can't just walk away, thus the relationship changes. It gives people security and a good home for children. Not being married just shows to some people that you somehow don't want that responsibility.
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emytaylor164
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I know but I think that is because societys standards as to what is right and wrong has dropped. To me marriage is a lifetime commitment and sex something to do in marriagefernando said:
Salchow , I just thought id say, that i know many couples , my friends , parents and grandparents (all still happily married) who waited until their wedding night to have sex. They have not a single regret in waiting for each other - they are so happy they didSalchow said:
I know everyone is different but may I say - from your post it sounds like you have not saved yourself , so you will never know how that will be - I do so far and it has not made my relationship plastic - so i dont know that you can really make a call like that.
Things fall apart. Eventually we die and relationships end whether we like it or not. It seems to be a very human tendency to try to maintain a sense of immortality, and 'everlasting love/relationships/families' seem to be another aspect of this. I don't see why it isn't possible to have a healthy acceptance of the fact that relationships can fail to last a lifetime. I would contend that you can have a healthy, passionate, worthwhile relationship without assuming 'this will be an everlasting love'.Salchow said:
^CoSMic DoRiS^^
makes the woosh noises
I don't think people will ever agree on the marriage issue. You either think its sacred and important or you don't. There's not much room to sit on the fence about it. You can't be all "I think marriage is a really sacred lovely thing but it's not necessary", just like you can't say "I think marriage is a silly pointless ritual but it means something special to get married."
Personally, I don't see it as important. I don't think remaining unmarried shows unwillingness to accept responsibility, and I definitely don't think you need to be married to make your relationship 'official'. Also, getting married is no guarantee that your love will last. Divorce, anyone? You might think you know at the time that Mr. X is just absolutely the love of your life and nothing will ever change it and bla bla bla and then you get married and everything's beautiful but you could still end up divorced. The only certainty you have is that one day you will die (not to be too depressing about it). That's it. Everything else is up for being fucked over or changed around, so the whole idea of "officially" committing yourself to someone for the rest of both your lives is a little ridiculous to me. I mean, by all means get married. I plan to, one day. Maybe. If I feel like it. Or maybe not. But don't kid yourself by thinking that marriage means you're definitely going to wake up next to this person in another 50 years. Marriage means you love each other now.
By the way, that's totally only my opinion on it. Maybe another way to put it would be, ok, imagine a world where marriage did not exist. Would everyone then be irresponsible flimsy people who were too scared or immature to make their love official? Of course not. People only see marriage that way because we've built it up to be like that. Once you take away the ring and the certificate, the married couple next door who love each other like no tomorrow are exactly the same as you and your long term boyfriend/girlfriend. Both couples share a special bond and love each other a lot. Just because one couple chose to perform a ceremony with lots of people and dancing and a guy in a funny robe to "prove" it doesn't make the other couple's love less valid or less able to last.
Personally, I don't see it as important. I don't think remaining unmarried shows unwillingness to accept responsibility, and I definitely don't think you need to be married to make your relationship 'official'. Also, getting married is no guarantee that your love will last. Divorce, anyone? You might think you know at the time that Mr. X is just absolutely the love of your life and nothing will ever change it and bla bla bla and then you get married and everything's beautiful but you could still end up divorced. The only certainty you have is that one day you will die (not to be too depressing about it). That's it. Everything else is up for being fucked over or changed around, so the whole idea of "officially" committing yourself to someone for the rest of both your lives is a little ridiculous to me. I mean, by all means get married. I plan to, one day. Maybe. If I feel like it. Or maybe not. But don't kid yourself by thinking that marriage means you're definitely going to wake up next to this person in another 50 years. Marriage means you love each other now.
By the way, that's totally only my opinion on it. Maybe another way to put it would be, ok, imagine a world where marriage did not exist. Would everyone then be irresponsible flimsy people who were too scared or immature to make their love official? Of course not. People only see marriage that way because we've built it up to be like that. Once you take away the ring and the certificate, the married couple next door who love each other like no tomorrow are exactly the same as you and your long term boyfriend/girlfriend. Both couples share a special bond and love each other a lot. Just because one couple chose to perform a ceremony with lots of people and dancing and a guy in a funny robe to "prove" it doesn't make the other couple's love less valid or less able to last.